Grace FINAL
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Speaker: [00:00:00] Welcome to the average nineties GAL podcast. Join me as I share my own journeys through life, how I got and continue to get through them, as well as real stories from real people in this crazy world. Let's get through it together.
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to the average nineties GAL podcast. Meredith here as always, and as always, thank you so much for being here, for listening, for sharing, and for sending any kind of feedback and rating the podcast as well. Everything that you are doing to move. The needle on this show is helping. So I fully appreciate you and if you haven't yet, please review, send, um, a [00:01:00] note, a comment, uh, leave a rating and please just share, share any episodes that you think will help someone, or if you think someone will be interested, or if you think, Hey, this sounds like you and totally sounds like something you.
Or needing, or you would love to hear, or this person's story sounds like yours. Anything like that, please do. I fully appreciate it. So onto this episode, I chat with Grace, who is another person I worked with at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. She has a wonderful story that I hope will.
Just empower you and excite you, and just motivate you to go after what it is you wanna go after to live your best life, to make choices that make [00:02:00] you the best person that you can possibly be. And be the most authentic person you can be. We talk about what it's like to be a teacher in New York City and her path to that, as well as starting her own foundation as well as the loss of her brother.
And then everything she's doing that really lights her up and connects her to who she really is. And so I hope you hear in this episode her. Just joy for living and how important it is to live your life and to feel all of the emotions and to put it all out there and to not be afraid. And this episode discusses suicide and suicide loss.
Please go to the show notes for more resources and support. So let's move on to the episode where I chat with Grace.
Speaker 3: [00:03:00] Hello, grace, how are you? And thank you for being here. Hi, Meredith. I'm doing well. Thanks for having me. Of course. Of course. As we start every episode, if you could please tell me which generation you are from the year you graduated high school, where you grew up, your family dynamic, your family background, family history, whatever you wanna share.
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure. I graduated high school in 2012, and then I graduated college in 2016. I actually have a very interesting upbringing. I grew up in Westchester, right outside of the city, but my mom and dad are both from Ireland, which is so cool, and I love to share that with everybody. Anybody that I meet is, I'm first generation American, which I think is so cool.
This country is coming from somewhere. Right. So I'm always proud to be like, I'm, my parents are from Ireland. But yeah, my mom and dad came here to the States when they were in their late twenties, their mid twenties, and they met here and then they went back to Ireland, got married, came [00:04:00] back here when they both got their green cards and then started their life in Westchester.
So yeah, I'm, I'm grateful for that. The, the strong immigrant up. Bringing and that struggle is very relevant I think, in our history as Americans. So I really, really love that. Cool. I share people.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. So fully grew up in Westchester then. Did you ever, your family was there the, the whole time your upbringing, everything.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's where I grew up. I grew up in Yorktown Heights, which is 45, 50 ish minutes up in Westchester, right outside of the city. And yeah, it's such a nice little, cute community and it's, it's, it's a great place to, to grow up. I would love to go back there and have my family there. And my fam, my mom and dad are still there.
My brother's actually in a nearby town too, so I'm always back and forth. And I get to kind of still be around, so it's good. Yeah,
Speaker 3: yeah, yeah. And have you gone to Ireland? Have you gone to where your parents met? Where they're from. Yeah. [00:05:00]
Speaker 4: I actually met her in the city, but yes, I've been, my mom's one of 10. I have plenty of family in Ireland.
I have family in England actually that I'm going to see this October, so I'm excited for that in Oxford. My Aunt Mary's having her 80th birthday party. My mom is the youngest of her 10 siblings. So yeah, I've been back and forth growing up. We were always back and forth to where my mom grew up in Lere and to where my dad grew up in Kerry, which is the west of Ireland.
It's southwest of Ireland. So yeah, and it's, it's a. I love Ireland. Ireland, I feel called to go there all the time when maybe it would not this past April, but the April before I went and visited my aunt and we went hiking right in the Wicklow Hills along the Atlantic way in in, right outside of Dublin.
And it was amazing. I always feel called to go there 'cause probably 'cause so much of my family's there. So I was trying to make a little trip at least every few years to get to see. Yeah. I'll be there in, in, in this coming August because [00:06:00] my cousin's getting married. So amazing. There's yeah, there's always a reason to pop over.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Plus it's in your blood. I mean, yeah, so it, I could see why you would feel called for sure. It's even in my blood and I have never been there, but I always want to. Live in a cottage for six months on the coast of Ireland. That's my dream. I have this weird vision in my head.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so romantic.
It's a romantic country and the people are the best. They're the salt of the earth. I was telling somebody that I met this past weekend about my parents too. I always share that my parents are from Ireland, and I was like, yeah. And he was like. Irish people are the best. I'm like, they are. They really are.
Just the salt of the earth. They're just good people. We're funny and we don't take life too seriously, but we're, and we have a lot of wisdom, I think. Yes. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 3: And you did, you did mention your brother. So what your, how many siblings? Did you grow? Yeah, so,
Speaker 4: well, I, yeah, I have two [00:07:00] brothers. One, Dan, who died by suicide in 2009, but then my brother Mark, he's the one that I was referencing before that also lives on Westchester and he has two little boys, Ryan and Ronan, my nephews.
Oh, you're an I know. It's great. It's been. Amazing, amazing to watch my brother raise kids. It's like, so it's, it's, I love that. Like I, I didn't think that it was gonna be something that touched my heart so much, but it's just a strange thing seeing your brother raise two kids. He's such a good dad and the boys love him so much and it's just like, my brother used to beat me up in the backyard.
Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like we used to in the backyard and throw each other around on the trampoline. So it's, it's cool to see him as a dad now. Yeah. So he's older. Yeah. Yeah. He's four years older than me. Four years.
Speaker 3: Okay. Okay. Are you the youngest? Yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm the youngest. Okay.
Speaker 3: Youngest of, okay. And you mentioned going to college.
Where did you go to college?
Speaker 4: I went to college at St. John's [00:08:00] University in Queens.
Speaker 3: Oh, okay. Nice. Yeah. Okay. So yeah. So you live in New York City now, correct?
Speaker 5: Yes. I'm on that free side.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're on that free side. Okay. So this leads me to. For anyone listening, we met because we both worked at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
You were a coach for the overnight walk. That was a long time ago too. Yeah.
Speaker 4: It genuinely feels like a lifetime
Speaker 3: ago. It really does. Yeah. So can you tell me about, so you are now a special ed teacher for New York City, correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So can you tell me about the path that led you to where you are now?
Oh, to become a
Speaker 4: special ed teacher? Yes. I love to Meredith. When I was working at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, I actually got that job through a friend of mine. And she was, you would be good at this because I was always very, I was always advocating for mental health at St. John's and in my spaces with my [00:09:00] friends and things like that.
And I always, always, I never shy away from sharing my brother's story. Anybody that I really talked to probably knows that I lost Dan. This friend of mine was, you should work at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. They're looking for someone. And then I did, and it was, it was a great experience working in fundraising, but.
I spent a lot of my time at that job looking at traveling and how I can get out of that job. I, looking back, it wasn't necessarily the job, it was more so, and maybe it was, who knows, but I think it was, I'm not someone who sits behind a desk. I need to be out and speaking to people and in the community, and I think that that's why I am a teacher now because so much of being a teacher is moving and you're never sitting still.
And I, I think at a corporate job I was sitting still a lot. So yeah, so when I was there, I was researching. Ways to travel and to be able to do that. And [00:10:00] I came across a program, it was called CIEE, and it was essentially a program where you can go and teach in Thailand. And so after A FSP, that's what I did.
I went and taught English abroad and it was kind of like, all right, I'm, I'm pretty good at this. And I kind of like. To teach. I liked being up in front of the class. I liked working with the kids and I, that was really my first time officially working with kids, but also on the mental health side too. I knew that I wanted to be in a space where I had access to kids.
I didn't feel behind a desk. I really had that. So yeah, that's why I kind of navigated through that. And then I traveled, obviously through that program a little bit. I love traveling, and so then I became a New York City. School public teacher, a special education teacher, and I went through, I went through the Teaching Fellows with the City of New York, which is a really great program for anybody who might be interested in becoming a [00:11:00] teacher.
It's an expedited program. You go in for two, for a quick summer in August, June or August, and you do a crash course of how to become a teacher. Throw you into teaching. In the midst of that, they also send you to school. So they link you up with one of the, the Cooney schools. So I went to Lehman and I was able to get my degree there, and it took me two years and the price of the degree was much cheaper than going and getting it on my own.
So, and then I, and then I was teaching, I was working, I was automatically a DOE public school teacher. So, yeah. And. A note on that too. We need more teachers. We need teachers and teaching is, I, I'm so biased, but I really believe it's one of the best jobs in the world. Yes, you do have to have a heart for it.
And no, we don't get paid much, but we're not in it for the money. Right. We're in it for the kids and we're in it for the community and for growth in general for society. So we need more [00:12:00] teachers that are with that. Yeah. And what made you, uh, go the special ed route? I don't think I had any specific reason for doing special ed.
I just, that's what with the teaching fellows, that's where they funneled me through and I was like, whatever. Fine. Because I think you needed a degree. I didn't have an English degree or it was based on your previous. Mm-hmm. Credentials. And so I didn't have an English degree. Had I had that, I probably would've been an English teacher.
So yeah, I think it was just based on what I had done previously at St. John's. Yeah,
Speaker 3: yeah. But also, you seem perfect for a special ed teacher because of your energy and that you wanna help. So it just seems to fit to me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's funny, I teach, so I've, over the years now, I have taught so many different courses.
I've taught in, I've taught English, I've taught. A bunch of AP courses like AP macro, AP stat, not AP stat, excuse me, AP Environmental, ap, X, Y, and Z. All these random aps that I never even took in high school. I always tell [00:13:00] my students, I'm like, I didn't even take these in high school, but yet I go home and I teach myself it.
And then it's a great way to teach the kids, right? Because if you can teach yourself, then you can teach others. And so that's what I tell them. I'm like, if I can get this, you can get this. This is my first time too, so it's cool. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And what is,
Speaker 3: what is it like being a teacher in New York City?
Because I feel like maybe people ask you that, but I've always wondered. I feel like it's a whole different, because I had a kid who was in the New York City school system Yeah. For, for most of the elementary school years. So I just, I've always thought like, gosh, what is it like to be a teacher? Yeah,
Speaker 4: growing up in Westchester and now teaching in the city, I feel like I had this perception of what New York City public schools were.
Ooh, scary. And listen. Kids are, kids are kids. No matter where you go, it's amazing. Meredith. I love it. I love the diversity. It's a big system. It's not [00:14:00] perfect, obviously, but I think the way I lead my life is how you approach it and what you can see and take away from things and how, what can I. Gauge that's positive here.
Nothing's gonna be perfect. No job that you have is gonna be perfect. It is a huge system, the Department of Education, and it has many, many flaws, as does every other profession and every other job. Okay? But at the end of the day, we're there to show up and build. These kids up and hopefully they along the way pick up a lesson or two from you.
And it's, it's a school also for me. I've realized it's not about grades, it's not about it, it's not about that stuff. It's about people belonging and it's about culture. And you want these kids to, to want to come to school, right? This is where they have to show up every day. And it's the same way. We have to show up to work every day.
How can you. Make everything around you. How can you bring people in, I guess? And so, yeah, yeah, [00:15:00] if you lead with that and, but yeah, schools are, they're crazy. You know? Kids are crazy. You know, I have my bad days too. It's not all perfect. I come home and wanna pull my hair out. It's a stressful job. It's stressful.
You. I, and I'm, I'm proud of myself because I've built confidence in the classroom and you know, you also as a teacher, what people don't realize is that you take on. A hundred of your students, they're bad moods. It's being a parent, I'm not a parent, but I actually can understand parenting because I do it all day long.
It's, I, I don't have children, but it's, I get it, but I don't get it, you know? But we we're essentially parenting these kids all day long and taking on their energy, and that can be stressful. And for someone, me, who's an empath and picks up on. People's energy very easily and very quickly. I, I do have to cleanse myself when I come home, which is why I'm so active and why I work out and I [00:16:00] cycle and run and have my many different outlets.
I don't make teaching my one thing, you know?
Speaker 3: Yeah. That's important. Yeah.
Speaker 4: And to,
Speaker 3: you know. Yeah. What? What would the word be? To reset every day when you get home, probably. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Right. And cleanse. And cleanse. Yeah. I have situations with kids in the classroom and then I go in the next day and I'm like, Hey guys, love you.
How you doing? I drop things and it does teach you. My mom would always, she would argue, she'd be like, you're not patient, but kids tell me all the time. They're like, you're so patient. I'm like, thank you. Because I don't feel patient. I do not feel patient inside. That's not how I feel. But I outwardly, I do project patience, which is great.
Um, but you learn, you learn so much about yourself and so much about the world by teaching.
Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Now, is this, do you have any. Aspirations to do anything else or [00:17:00] do you, do you wanna keep doing what you're doing? Are there any future goals in terms of career path?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that. I actually just did my administrative degree so I could essentially, I could be a principal, I could be a vice principal.
But what it comes down to too is I, another reason why I love my career and why I love being a teacher is because it gives me time outside of my job, my nine to five. To do the things that I love. Right. That's why once I was established in teaching, I was able to start the foundation, which is something that I'm getting going this year and really trying to plan a lot of events and get the word out there about the foundation.
Yeah. Meredith, I have so many things that I'm working on. I am writing a few different novels. I've been working on them for quite some time, and with writing, it's hard because it's, you draw on inspiration from. Life. I've been putting them to the side, but also picking them back up at times. Yeah. I have so many things that I wanna do.
I feel like I'm on my way.
Speaker 3: Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. [00:18:00] Well, and of course what I wanted to get to next, but, and you've brought it up, so that's a perfect segue, is the foundation.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's, uh. I, but you can talk about it, obviously, what it is, but I would And why, and if you feel comfortable going into Dan's story, you said you don't mind sharing Dan's story.
Uh, yeah. Obviously I'm giving you a ton of stuff to talk about. So let's start about the foundation, what it is, and we'll move on from.
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure. So this year I started the Dan O'Connor Foundation. It's a nonprofit in the state of New York, and I'm so excited about that. And it's an honor of my brother.
It's an honor of my brother Dan, who died by suicide in 2009. And there's two goals. I wanna bring awareness to suicide because it's something that. Not many people are confident in speaking about, and I feel I've built this confidence around speaking about it. Sorry, uh, New York City here at its finest.
Yeah. [00:19:00] Um, I've never, ever shied away from telling my brother's story, and I know that actually every time I share his story, the other person on the other end always reciprocates with, oh, I know this person, or. A friend of mine too, and, and then it makes me realize I'm getting chills right now. Made me realize that not so many people are not talking about it.
So it's simple. For me. It's bring awareness and I wanna do it in schools because that's when Dan died. He died when he was 16. Could it have been prevented? Who knows? But I want kids to know that it's. And what I've experienced in my own life too, is that it's part of the human experience to potentially think those thoughts.
But I want people to know when you're in times of pain and when you go through tough things, I wanna start to build this perseverance almost, which is what I have and what I have built in my life since losing Dan and what I've learned from his laws. [00:20:00] And so I wanna start to build that in our communities school level.
I think it's a skill, right? These are things that you have to start to learn at a young age that this too shall pass, that you can overcome the things, hard things, and not everything is finite, right? So that's, that's the first thing is just bring awareness. The second thing is I just wanna give back to my community because Meredith, I was saved by these people, genuinely saved by my community.
They literally lifted me up. I had so many people that were riding for me, and that is what community is, right? Like. Felt like I belonged. I didn't feel like I was alone when I lost Dan. Everybody else around me lost Dan too and so they were grieving with me and I just knowing that and feeling that and being a part of that, that's made me just be so grateful and I just wanna give back now.
So. That's the goal. This, this is brand new. We just started the foundation. I have a few events that are coming up this [00:21:00] year, and the goal is to, I'm bringing it home to where it started for me in Yorktown High School, and I hope to give a scholarship to somebody who maybe is like me and who is, has the same energy as me.
As much as this is, is about Dan, it's also about me and what I have learned. Through his loss and what I wanna teach kids. So anybody who's making a difference in their community and speaking about hard things and helping others, I think that that's one of the most important things in the world is what are you doing if you're not helping others?
That's what makes me feel good. If I wake up and I feel great when I put a smile on somebody else's face. So any kids that are doing that and have that same energy, I wanna support them in doing whatever they wanna do.
Speaker 5: Yeah. So, yeah. Oh,
Speaker 4: I love that. I love that. Do you have a website? Yes. Okay. I'll, yeah, it's a Dan O'Connor Foundation.
It's dan www dan O'Connor foundation.com.
Speaker 3: No, I'll, I'll, I'll link it in the show notes when we [00:22:00] Yeah, definitely. And, and I know these days too, it's kind, people talk about how difficult it is to start a foundation. Is that true? Was it a really difficult
Speaker 4: process? You know what I think, I think the most difficult part was me believing that I could.
Ah, if that makes sense. It wasn't, it wasn't really that hard. I went online on the, there's a few state and IRS websites that you have to navigate through. It wasn't that hard. I read the documents and filled out the paperwork and got incorporated with my name and then honored as a nonprofit. And you need an accountant because you need someone that's gonna.
Comes to be. But other than that, I think the hardest thing was me getting out of my own way and realizing, okay, this is something that you've wanted to do for so long. Meredith. The minute Dan died, I was, it's [00:23:00] funny, there was a girl that came to our high school and she talked about how she lost her brother to a drunk driver.
And I remember seeing her on the stage and me being like, I wanna do that. I wanna share Dan's story. That is what I wanted to do. And it's like me up in bed. Has been on my mind what you were talking about with this podcast. Right. It's a thing that's been on my mind when I put my head down and when I wake my head up in the morning, and so I was like, alright, it's about time to get it rolling.
I've also been fundraising for other organizations. For Dan. He died 16 in November. It'll be 16 years. I've been fundraising for other organizations for 16 years and have made. So much money and people have donated to me for those causes and I'm so grateful. But now I, and I made a decision. I was like, I wanna see where that money is going.
And I want to person, me personally, be giving that money to the [00:24:00] community and know the reasoning. And I'm not saying these organizations are not doing good with my money. That is not what I'm saying at all. But it's, I want Dan's impact now to be felt.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And that you have the control and you are actually seeing exactly where it goes yourself, right?
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. So if there's anybody thinking about starting their own foundation, do it. Do it. It is, it's. It's, I'm so happy that I did it. And also something that I thought a lot about too is you have all these fears. Naturally when you start anything, you're like, are people gonna come to the events? Are people gonna donate?
And I've had so much support and it's if you put out the energy of this is what I'm doing, the right people will find you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. And what are the events coming up? I actually am going to Yorktown High School this. Or excuse me, this Friday 'cause they're starting their preseason and I'm gonna be doing a community chat with the football team.
I'm [00:25:00] essentially gonna be telling them Dan's story, introducing myself and letting them know why they're playing their first home game, which is on September 5th. It is gonna be an honor of Dan. It's in collaboration with my foundation. I wanted to get in the door there and speak to them directly and let them know why they're wearing their shirts and why they're gonna have his number on his helmet and things like that.
And I wanted to do a lot of, I wanted to do a lot of things with sports Meredith, because, especially at high schools, because that is where comradery is, right? That's really where community is. And for me, when I was in high school, I built. Such incredible relationships with the girls on my team, and they were the people that carried me.
And sports can teach us so much, right? They're about coming together and bringing awareness to a specific cause. That's the first event on September 5th. And great. Then yeah, and then I have a few other things planned. I'm gonna be working with Yorktown Fitness, which is a gym to throw a little workout class with them on the 20th [00:26:00] of September.
And then in November I'm doing a hockey game, which is my favorite event because all of my brother, Dan and Mark, my brother Mark too, all of his buddies, they all come out to play and get on the ice. And that's the Skate for Dan event, which I've been throwing for a few years now. Yeah, there's a few things in the works and I'm really excited about it.
Yeah, that's really cool. That's so cool.
Speaker 3: I love it. Love it. And you are going to be that person standing there telling, talking to people like you said you wanted to do. So you're doing it. You're doing it. That's so great. Yeah. Yeah. You're, that's so awesome. Would be very, very proud. Oh, he would. Yeah.
Something else, I just wanna, for anyone listening. And not even just losing someone's suicide, although we both know that that's a very specific type of loss that sometimes people feel they are alone with. But what would you say to someone who's listening who maybe has lost someone close to them [00:27:00] recently about the stages of grief that you may go through and, and, and you can even talk about how your family has dealt with it or, but how you, throughout the years have maybe dealt with your own grief and.
Allowing yourself to feel it and you know, anything you wanna share to anyone listening.
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure. And honestly, Meredith, it's just that it's feeling it, allowing yourself to feel it. I love that you said that because it comes, it comes and goes, I'm about to be 16 years removed from Dan's death, and you still feel it was yesterday, but then you also feel this, well, did that happen?
Where? Where am I living? Is this all, is this real? Is this a dream? Some days you feel sad and some days. I, I, now in the last five to six years have really been trying to focus on, I mean, I've always tried to focus on the positive in regards to it, but yeah, being open to the fact that things are going to come [00:28:00] up along the way.
You might walk down the street and see something and embrace, embrace it. I, I really love to, pain makes you feel. And I, I've realized that as I've gotten older, that it's good. It's, it's good. It means that you're alive. It means that you are in love. It means that you care. All of these emotions that we sometimes look at as negative emotions, crying or anger, all of those things, I've really tried to tap into them throughout my grief journey and been like, why are you feeling this grace?
It's pulling up something else from you and it's, what is that right? Being a little curious about your grief. That could be a suggestion too. And again, leaning on the people around you. I. I, I'm open enough that, and I, I understand that this can be hard for people, but I always tell people how I'm feeling and the good and the bad.
Everything's written on my face [00:29:00] also. So tap into that. You don't always have to be good, and you don't always have to be strong, and it is a wave. It is life. The more I realize too, grief. Life. Grief is life. It is the waves of everything that's happening in your life. Loss, love, everything. It all stems from that.
So it's like if you can navigate those emotions in whatever way, reach out to the people that are around you. Getting through those is, again, grief. Grief. Navigating grief is a skill I've realized after losing Dan, even with heartbreak, because. Hopefully you don't go through heartbreak, but nine out of 10 people in their lifetime are going to go through heartbreak and in regards to a relationship, it's all the same.
Right? I feel the same way. I feel I felt about losing my brother as I feel about losing someone that I was in a long-term relationship with, right? That grief is all the same and it's hurt, pain, all of [00:30:00] that stuff. It really is the same for me at least learning. Experiencing Dan's death when I was 15 and being able to learn from that as an adult now has been so beneficial for, for me, because I always can reflect back on that and be like, if you handled this, you can handle this.
Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And feeling it and riding the wave, like you said, and not letting, not holding it in, trying to push it back. Yeah. You can't push waves back, right? Like you have to let it crash down and you've got to. Not let it, but let not let it consume you either. Right.
Speaker 4: Exactly. Yeah. And have your outlets. I have so many outlets, healthy out outlets.
There was a time when I was in college and I went through many different outlets. I went through my drinking phase, I went through my smoking weed phase. Oh. And I realized, okay, grace. I had to tap in. These are not good for you. And then what are my outlets now? It's running, it's cycling, it's being athletic, [00:31:00] which is why I wanna bring more mental health awareness into the fitness spaces, because that's saved my life.
Right? It's painting, it's being creative in whatever way I can. It's talking. Don't be afraid to. Open up to people. Don't be afraid to tell people how you're feeling. We need to teach these things to people because we're so often in our heads thinking that others don't care or they don't wanna hear it, but they do because when you really, if you know the world and you experience the world the way I do, everybody is the same.
We are all the same. We're all experiencing the same emotions. These same feelings have very similar experiences. So why are we not talking more about them?
Speaker 3: Yeah, there you go. That's it right there. No, thank you for sharing that. That was wonderful. Of
Speaker 5: course,
Speaker 3: for being so open. Although I, I, I know you're a very open person, but it's fantastic.
I love it. I love it. And you said, you mentioned running. Am I right? [00:32:00] Did that you, do you run marathons?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I ran the Berlin, Chicago, and New York City Marathon. So New York City was my favorite because if you know the New York City energy, you know it. Yes. Oh my
Speaker 3: gosh. That I loved standing there watching people run by, because I, I used to live in Park Slope where Oh yeah.
So as you know, that's the beginning right route section. Right on the route. Right on Fourth Ave or Third Ave, whichever one it is. Yeah. It's so fun. So fun watching. Especially at the beginning though. You're watching those elite runners go by and you're going, okay, I can't believe people. Yeah. Oh,
Speaker 4: I know.
You're like, they go real quick. Real quick. It's wild because when after I lost Dan in high school, me and I was, I was in, I was on the field hockey team and I wasn't too good at the sport, but we ran a lot and it really gave me. Focus, and I hated it at the time, but it built up so much character and dedication to [00:33:00] myself, and for some reason I found that anytime after that, when I was experiencing anything, a trouble with a friend or anything, anything that I was going through, I would always get back out and lace my shoes up and go for a run because it was my outlet running.
Saved my life. It has kept me so structured and it really is getting up and going for a run and even any, any type of fitness in general. It really is such a testament to how much you love yourself, I think, or at least me. 'cause I know that I need that to be my best self. And so whatever way that I out the energy and run or cycle or whatever.
I needed it and getting back addicted in such a healthy way because. A better person and I realized that early on, and so I just kept doing it. And so that's why running with, I raised money for the [00:34:00] Chicago Marathon for A FSP, actually, and for New York City. I also raised money for A FSP, and so I hope to, in the future, get bibs for the Dan O'Connor Foundation so that my friends can run with Dan on their chest and like, so the next.
Yeah, the next time I run the New York City Marathon, I'm hoping that it will be, or I know that it will be with my bibs for my foundation. So there
Speaker 3: you go. You It will be that it will happen. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Well, I hope so too. So fingers crossed. But it, it'll happen even if it's not the next one, it will happen.
Yeah. Like that. That's gonna be a definite, so Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for sure. And also. Any help with your foundation, let me know. Thank you. I would love to help fundraise
anything that has. Suicide, suicide prevention awareness, all of that [00:35:00] is great.
Speaker 4: And you know what I've been thinking about this whole suicide thing too? It's because one of my friends was, oh, maybe don't make your foundation all about suicide prevention. And I was, because there's so many sides to me, is what this person was trying to get at.
And it was a great suggestion, but the more I thought about it, I was, that's really where it all started, was with my brother taking his life. So why wouldn't it be about that? But also I want. About mental health to be a sexy thing. We should make talking about suicide sexy, because people get this weird energy when you bring it up and it doesn't have to be.
A negative thing. I feel there's so much negativity that when you bring up the word suicide and, um, we can talk about hard things and it be positive because so much positive has come from suicide into my life, so I'm not encouraging it. Obviously we should talk about this in a positive way, right? Side note.
Speaker 3: No, and that's [00:36:00] exactly what you could do with the foundation. Change the way people talk about it, where it's not just you're doing the same thing that everyone else is doing. The programs and the, not that that's bad once again. Of course, of course. But where you change what you're trying to actually do is different.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 3: I, I love that because that's what's needed also. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I agree.
Speaker 3: I agree. And, and just talking about it and what that means, and no longer having people, I remember being at tabling events and, and I would say it was older generations, but I remember we had our, our bracelets. You would have the bracelets that had ass SP and have the lifeline on it and things like that.
And I remember older generations saying, oh, I'm not gonna give that to my right. To my grandson, because it's gonna put it in his head. But of course, that was a teaching moment for me to say, actually, no, but they were set in their ways of thinking that that was true. So it is about, no, we shouldn't. Or they'd see the word you [00:37:00] said and they'd go, oh yeah, yeah.
Things like that. I think that's a great way, a great thing. Yeah. To have as a mission.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I, I'm very much an energy feeler when I'm around people and I said earlier that I tell, I tell everybody, I tell every single person I meet. If the conversation gets to that, and I feel comfortable enough to tell these people I do share Dan's story or if I feel maybe this person needs to hear it, I do.
But yeah, I find that sometimes when I do share it, I get the energy, switches it with some people, it can switch a little bit, and I'm like, huh, what's that about? So that's what you're right, Meredith definitely trying to shift the way that. People maybe perceive it because I think that people perceive, maybe they, as they have assumptions that they make about me or about my brother [00:38:00] or, and people will ask, they'll be like, wait, was what happened?
Was he depressed? All these things, and a lot of it we don't know, but. Yeah. I think that there's also assumptions made about the person that dies by suicide, that they were selfish or whatever, didn't care about their family, whatever. And it's like, if you know about it, you know that when you're in severe pain, there's nothing else going on in your mind.
Your family's not in your mind. Dan wasn't thinking about. In that moment, he was thinking about getting rid of whatever pain he was feeling. He didn't have an outlet to get rid of that. And so I, I, I understand that this wasn't about me and this wasn't about my parents. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Him not wanting to be with us.
Of course. Yeah. And it's educating people, but, and, but I love that you want to educate younger people and go to schools because that is really where it needs to start. Yeah. For any, you said how old you were when [00:39:00] you lost Dan. Obviously no one should have to go through that, but to, if you already had the knowledge, you would've already known even at a younger age.
Yeah. What, what he was really going through and, and the whole that. There's just one thing that's, I don't know if you hear this too still sometimes, but when someone says, well, what was it? Well, it wasn't one thing. I'll tell you that right now. It's never just one thing that leads someone to take their own life.
So I just love where you're going with all of that. I think that's fantastic. Yeah. I used
Speaker 4: to get the little, it would always kind of trigger me someone, if someone asked, oh, why, and then I would be like, it's just they're not, it's just them being, I don't know. It's just them. Yeah. Their lack of knowledge about the topic, them being a little ignorant, ignorance is bliss type thing.
Totally. I would, I would give them a little grace. It's okay. Of course. Yeah. But
Speaker 3: teaching moment.[00:40:00]
Okay. I understand why you're asking this because you also feel you have to say something, right? Yeah. But, but now I'm gonna tell you something really quick,
and I've said this in an episode with someone, my friend Gina, who lost her father to suicide, and we were talking about that too. This is little teaching moments that you can have with people, whether they wanna hear it or not. This is the time to let people know, because why not? I love what, what you're want to do with the foundation.
I think that's fantastic. So, yeah. Yeah. And you mentioned painting too. You're also an artist.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I guess I'm an I.
I've always painted in the last few years I've really been getting into it. I have my, I have my own studio, not art studio, but I live in a studio here in New York City and it's my art studio. It's my room and my draw on in inspiration from when I travel and things that I see online and anything that's speaking to my [00:41:00] soul.
And it's, it's so healing. Painting is, I love it. I love it and I'm really good at it. So I encourage people to tap into things that they're really good. Seriously, don't do a job that you don't love. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? And there's things that I enjoy and painting is one of them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's great.
Yeah. Yeah. I love that message too, because so many people even shy away from admitting that they're good at something. So I love that. You, you, yeah. Even vocally said, I'm good at it because, yeah, we're in this society right now. I feel sometimes where people are seriously afraid to say that they're. When they're good at something.
Yeah. And if you're not gonna say it out loud to someone else, how are you saying it to yourself?
Speaker 4: Exactly and doing it. Do it. Yeah, do it. Yeah. When I said that you get, it's a little insecurity, but no, I am good at it. I'm great at teaching. I'm great at doing what I do, which is why I started my foundation.
And I think that we [00:42:00] need to be a little bit more confident in ourselves and that, again, this is what I wanna build. I'm, I'm learning this and really honing in on this now in my late twenties, into my early thirties, but I wish I was more confident in myself. 10 years ago, I wish I was more like, yes, I am really good at that and that and that so that I can, I could have been, not that I regret anything because I timing, as we were talking about before we started the podcast, timing is perfect for everything.
I wish I was more confident in myself earlier on, and that's also what I wanna build and give these kids. That's one of my core values is empowerment. I wanna empower them in whatever way they feel empowered, right? I feel empowered when I am painting and sharing something with the world, right? I feel empowered when I'm leading my group with Nike and we're pacing them for the New York City Marathon.
I'm good at this. I've run this marathon before. I know the route. I know the mindset it takes to get this done, and so, hey, let me teach you. Let me build you [00:43:00] so that you can do it too, and then teach someone else. You do the next, you do the next one, girl.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Love it. And that and, and for young people to hear too.
What empowers you? It's okay if it's different than what empowers somebody else because there's a whole comparison culture that's going on that with social media especially and everything. People think, oh, well if it looks like everybody else is doing that. But no, what empowers you can be something so wild and out there and, but how amazing is that, right?
So Absolutely. That's fantastic. Yeah. So do what you love. Yes, do what you love and, and multiple things If you love multiple things, of course, yes. Or one big thing or whatever. But I just love to wrap up every episode with a couple of questions that I just throw out. And awesome Meredith. The first one is, if you could go in [00:44:00] especially, oh, this is perfect for you since you love traveling, so I'm glad this came to my head.
If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?
Speaker 4: Anywhere in the world. For some reason, Australia is the first thing that's popping into my mind. My cousin, Emma, is there and. Yeah, that made me emotional for some reason. So Australia? It is? Australia. There you go. Clearly that I've been, I've been, but it's the land down on her.
You don't get there often. So I'd love to go back.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And what part of Australia is she in?
Speaker 4: She's in Sydney.
Speaker 3: Oh, nice. Very cool. Yeah, very cool. Yeah, I've never been, I've always, that's one of my bucket list. Yeah. You know, and then Australia, New Zealand, and. Tasmania. I wanna do the whole.
Speaker 4: I also have, I have so many places on my bucket list.
I could go on forever on this question, but I do, I've been looking into gonna Egypt, so that's another one. I do wanna see the pyramids. For some reason I feel called to go [00:45:00] there too, so I definitely wanna check that out.
Speaker 3: Oh, perfect. Love it. Yeah. That should be after Australia then. Exactly. Yeah. So the next one is, if you walked into a theater and your life right now was showing on the big screen, what would the audience be shouting at the screen?
And it doesn't have to be negative, it could be positive also, but what would they be shouting while watching your Your life right now?
Speaker 5: I think that they would be proud. Yeah. I think that they'd be proud.
Speaker 3: Great. Yeah. In saying, yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Let go. Oh girl.
Excuse my language, but.
Speaker 3: You could say definitely.
Speaker 4: I mean, even if it doesn't even, I don't even care if they would be proud. I would be proud. I think that they, I think that they would, yeah. I just know I'm so, I hope that that's what they would say. [00:46:00]
Speaker 3: Yeah. No, I think you're right. I think you're right. And then the last one I always ask every guest is if you could start and or stop something.
Now that would bring you closer to your most authentic self, what would it be?
Speaker 4: If I could start something now
Speaker 5: or stop something, or both? Yeah.
Speaker 4: If I could start something now that could bring me to my most aau, most authentic self. I think it would be, I think it would be a memoir. Which I haven't started.
I've been writing novels and playing with that. I think writing a memoir of myself, of bibliography, essentially of my life and the lessons that I've learned and sharing that with the world because I think that I have a very unique mindset and a lot of that came from my brother's death and my [00:47:00] experiences.
Something I.
Ooh, I would stop drinking. I don't drink often. I actually did take a break from drinking for almost a year and a half, and I felt way, way, way more myself. And when I drink, I only have one or two. I've gotten, I have a very healthy relationship with it. I think I would probably remove that from the entire world.
Be a little less my authentic self. It clouds, but the people around me too, I think it, it puts a block between us connecting more authentically, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally does. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well that's great.
Speaker: Well, thank you sharing that. Thanks. Is there anything else you wanna share before we, before we end?
I mean, no, I think that's it. I
Speaker 5: think we had a great. Yeah, it was great. Nice to chat with [00:48:00] you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, thank you so much again for sharing your story and for being here and being so honest and open. And I know I appreciate it, but I know anyone listening is appreciating hearing everything you just said, so thank you so much.
Thank you. Of course.
